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F1: Former new town boys slate heritage by Mathias Olaf Uncertain
27th Mar 2009
Your dotdotdotcomma correspondent was dead proud to press his red button at some undeityofyourchoicely hour this morning and be greeted by the warm tones of erstwhile drinking buddy Binny Croft as the first voice of the new era of Formula 1 back in its rightful place at the BBC, although there was mild disappointment that this historic moment was not accompanied by a snatch of The Chain.

Binny was joined in the commentary box for Free Practice 1 by occasional F1 driver Anderyeah Davidson who failed to disappoint with a signature "and er yeah" within the first few moments of the programme.

Nonetheless, dotdotdotcomma don't doubt that the local councils responsible for the new towns of the commentators' respective youthhoods, being Stevenage and Dacorum Borough Councils and Hertfordshire County Council, will no doubt be mildly offended by the following conversation, if they were dumb enough to drag themselves from their well-earned beds on a Friday morning in March:

Binny: (The cars) are very reminiscent of, you know, those big council lawnmowers that hoover up as much grass as they possibly can , with a very short handle at the back...?

Anderyeah: I grew up in Hemel Hempstead - don't know what you're talking about.

Binny: Yeah, we couldn't afford council grass cutting where I lived either...

dotdotdotcomma comment that, while the resemblance between 2009 F1 cars and industrial-strength lawnmowers is well observed, we feel it is necessary to point out that if Stevenage Borough Council couldn't afford to cut the grass, it was probably the result of (a) them having to repair town centre rubbish bins that may have been damaged by the activities of certain binge drinkers who shall remain nameless, Mr Croft, and (ii) them keeping the young Mr Croft in ciggies and San Miguels while they employed him as a stage hand at the now legendary Gordon Craig Theatre.

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KEY TO SERIES NAMES (hovering over the abbreviations in the table above also shows the full series name)
F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.