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F1: Bahrain rescheduling solution proposed by Virgil Ellipse
10th Mar 2011
A new solution has been proposed for the problem of rescheduling the cancelled Bahrain season-opener, which was called off because of prolonged civil unrest in the kingdom.

Suggestions for either holding the race during the August break or postponing the Brazilian Grand Prix to make room for Bahrain have already been put forward but both of these ideas bring problems of their own, not least for any team members who were hoping to have some sort of holiday or for any fans who've already made arrangements to attend the Brazil race.

But now a new proposal has been submitted that would minimise disruption and allow the race to be held in complete safety.

"We came up with the idea the other night," said a spokesgeek for the dotdotdotcomma technical team. "Why not just put all the drivers in the teams' simulators, link them up and have a digital Bahrain race? As far as we're aware, all the teams use pretty much the same simulation software, so it would just be a case of hooking up the servers and making sure that Ferrarsi, to pick a team at random, didn't give themselves a five-litre engine.

"It's possible that we've been spending a bit too much time on our PS3s lately."

An IT expert from a leading team said that as far as he could see, the plan should be possible to implement.

"Linking the servers would take some resource," he said, "but far less than you need to prepare for a race. You'd need a central server to amalgamate the information from each team but it would then be possible to position a camera literally anywhere on the track and make the resulting video available to TV broadcasters or over the internet. All in glorious HD, of course."

dotdotdotcomma's technical spokesnerd went on to point out that an added benefit of the idea was that, as we've recently learned, spending too long in a simulator makes Michael Comebacker feel nauseous.

"The simulation software would need some extra animation for when someone throws up in his helmet," he said, "but we'd be more than willing to work on the diced carrot trajectory calculations, if that would help."

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The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.