homeblack pixel
Click to visit the 'Kop Hill Climb, Princes Risborough 22/23 September 2012' page
[where you've been: home...,motorsport...,f1...,news...,
menu bar
  menu bar menu bar menu bar  



the dotdotdotcomma f1 newsdesk
the latest f1 news only slightly after it's happened
MANTA translation assistant
(see help page for details)
Don't know who we're
talking about? Click on
the MANTA logo for help
"I don't make mistakes. I make prophesies
that immediately turn out to be wrong."  

The dotdotdotcomma newsdesk is entirely fictional. There aren't any real people here at all. So what's new?

The news items on this page are also available as an RSS feedRSS logo and an Atom feedAtom logo, depending on whether you like your motorsport satire tinted orange or blue.

dotdotdotcomma F1 News

F1: dotdotdotcomma enters the prediction business by Virgil Ellipse
23rd Mar 2011
Against the advice of many, dotdotdotcomma has chosen to throw its hat into the ring and have a stab at guessing the finishing order for this weekend's Australian Grand Prix.

The overwhelmed but underachieving members of the technical department opted to ignore all the higher-priority items on their ever-expanding "to do" list in order to develop some software which, they claim, extrapolates past performance in astoundingly clever, state-of-the-art ways to predict race results.

"With the corner up, it does," said a sceptical passing Robert Rankin fan.

Even some of the less cynical observers have questioned the wisdom of such a step at the start of a season where a combination of inconclusive winter testing, far-reaching regulation changes and a new tyre supplier have, according to Autosprout, rendered "the form guide more difficult to predict than ever".

The reasons against notwithstanding, the dotdotdotcomma editors have seen the prediction and have decided to spend the rest of the season violently disagreeing with each another about what it foretells. They are currently on the look-out for a couple of clever agents, in the optimistic hope that they will soon be able to book themselves life-long tickets on the gravy train.

For anyone interested, the prediction has the finishing order as follows. Just don't go blaming us if you take the ill-advised step of using this as the basis of a bet.
  1     Jenson Button
  2     Felipe Massa
  3     Lewis Hamilton
  4     Mark Webber
  5     Michael Schumacher
  6     Fernando Alonso
  7     Nico Rosberg
  8     Sebastian Vettel
  9     Nick Heidfeld
  10    Pastor Maldonado
  11    Vitaly Petrov
  12    Rubens Barrichello
  13    Kamui Kobayashi
  14    Paul di Resta
  15    Heikki Kovalainen
  16    Sergio Perez
  17    Jaime Alguersuari
  18    Jarno Trulli
  19    Timo Glock
  20    Adrian Sutil
  21    Narain Karthikeyan
  22    Sebastien Buemi
  23    Jerome D'Ambrosio
  24    Vitantonio Liuzzi
And if you think this prediction is unlikely, you should have seen some of the earlier ones.

<< previous item << news menu >> next item >>

RELATED NEWS ITEMS:
F1 Constructors’ championship tenth place travesty 27th Nov 2013
F1 O'Clock set to miss Barcelona test 2nd Mar 2011
BF3C 'Hartley the Hair' takes championship title crown 21st Mar 2008
BF3C Hare leads Turtle! 5th Mar 2008
Etc HANS wins innovation Autosprout award 3rd Dec 2007
 

KEY TO SERIES NAMES (hovering over the abbreviations in the table above also shows the full series name)
BF3CBritish F3 Championship
The top class in Britain's premier single-seater series.
EtcEverything Else
Other stuff that either happens in the wrong place (off road) or with the wrong number of wheels.
F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.