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F1: Ecclescake: Channel Five is an option for F1 by Virgil Ellipse
18th Jul 2011
Bernie Ecclescake has said that Channel Five is the channel he would approach first if the BBC no longer covered Formula One.

The BBC's current F1 contract lasts until the end of 2012 and there has been speculation that budget cuts at the company could make it unable to commit beyond that point.

Ecclescake told The Sunday Telegraph that he hoped the BBC would choose to continue covering the sport but admitted that should the corporation pull out, his first call would be to Channel Five owner Richard Desmond, the well-known proprietor of certain - ahem - special-interest publications and TV channels.

The possibility of adult-themed F1 coverage would be sure to raise eyebrows in some quarters and different parts of the body in other quarters but the BBC may already have the presenters they'd need to cater to more mature tastes: ladies' favourite David Leotard could reveal those few parts of his anatomy not already highlighted by his buttock-hugging white trousers, pit-lane reporter Lee McKenzie possesses coquettishness in bucketloads and Radio Five Live's Natalie Pinkham frankly sounds like she'd be up for just about anything if you asked her.

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KEY TO SERIES NAMES (hovering over the abbreviations in the table above also shows the full series name)
F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.
LeMLe Mans-style Endurance Racing
Very, very, very long races. Woo! They're long. Not to be confused with Lemon-Style Endurance Racing. Nasty.