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F1: McLap'em to sell business software by Virgil Ellipse
10th Oct 2006
McLap'em are planning to sell their race strategy software commercially, to help business managers make more informed decisions.

McLap'em Applied Technologies has designed the system, which is based on McLap'em F1's analytics technology. The software comes in an impressively expensive chrome-effect sculpted box that promises a lot but will probably only produce mediocre results.

The hope is that by feeding the system information on companies and markets, instead of cars and races, the software will produce the likely outcomes of a variety of strategies, assisting managers in making decisions.

A pilot scheme with an unnamed business resulted in the board being advised to float the company on intermediates, with the first pit-stop ideally coming towards the end of quarter two, followed by a splash-and-dash just after the submission of the company accounts.

The system comes complete with a virtual assistant called "Kimi", who appears at intervals in a popup window to offer unsolicited help in a soporific monotone, until the user either falls asleep or puts a fist through the screen.

If the software proves capable of making business decisions, it may mean that companies globally could rid themselves of an entire tier of middle-managers, replacing them with a few PCs without suffering any ill effect.

Should that happen, the money saved on their salaries will be used to construct a huge starship to send them all off into space, to escape certain death at the hooves of a fictitious enormous mutant star goat.

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F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.