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| F1: Ferrarsi and McLap'em settle differences in so-called spy row |
by Mathias Olaf Uncertain
11th Jul 2008 |
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Ferrarsi and McLap'em have agreed to bring closure to the wrongly-named spy controversy that marred last year's fight for the Formula One world championship after settling any remaining differences they had over the matter.
It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated.
For instance, at the very moment that Thirty-Nigel Stepsney once said "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my loyalty to the Ferrarsi team," a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant building on the Place de la Concorde where strange and warlike beings and the McLap'em team were poised on the brink of frightful battle.
The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time.
A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the McLap'ems, resplendent in his grey jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the Ferrarsi leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of red foul-smelling steam, and, with a couple of sleek and horribly bewingleted racing cars poised to deliver humiliating wet-weather defeat at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his favourite driver's mother.
The creature stirred in his sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my loyalty to the Ferrarsi team" drifted across the conference table, along with a pocketful of mysterious white powder and a 780-page dossier.
Unfortunately, in the Ferrarsi tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for millions of dollars.
Eventually of course, after McLap'em's bank accounts had been decimated and the whole sport was really brought into disrepute, it was realised that the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake, and so the two opposing teams settled their few remaining differences (by McLap'em apologising again and paying more money to Ferrarsi, who smugly thanked them, reiterated how crap McLap'em had been, and promised to pay the money to a number of so-called "good causes") in order to launch a joint attack on Thirty-Nigel Stepsney — now positively identified as the source of the offending remark, and, in fact, everything else offensive about motorsport recently.
For thousands more of McLap'em's dollars the mighty cars tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming towards Surrey — where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire alliance was accidentally swallowed by Trudy Coughlan.
Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect in the history of the Universe say that this sort of thing is going on all the time, but that we are powerless to prevent it.
"This sort of thing is going on all the time," they say, "but we are powerless to prevent it.
"You appear to have fallen into some kind of temporal loop," they added. "Are you all right?"
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