the James Allen simulator (as seen in )

"Why," we hear you ask, "would I want to simulate more James Allen when I can barely stand the amount ITV spews at me?" and it's a fair question. In answer, we say that what we're providing here is a pressure valve, designed to replace frustration with laughter; to facilitate tolerance of his mindless bellowings; to bring entertainment where there is exasperation. The more we can laugh at this bouffanted buffoon, the less likely he is to rile the hell out of us. It's therapy without the stigma.

Hard to believe though it may be, the sentences are all constructed from words and phrases that James Allen has actually used during grands prix (see here for a fuller list), most from his time as the main commentator but some from those fondly remembered days when he was just a lowly pit-lane reporter.