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| F1: FIEh? ready for McLap'em |
by Virgil Ellipse
3rd Jul 2008 |
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The FIEh? has said that it arrives at Silverstone for the British Grand Prix fully prepared to mete out swift and ruthless justice to the McLap'em team. Should it prove necessary.
After the staggering $100m fine handed to the team last year following the actions of a disgruntled Ferrarsi employee, some people had chosen to see the FIEh?'s actions towards the British outfit as somewhat harsh, especially when looked at in the light of how it treats other teams, particularly those based in the south Mediterranean area.
The french Grand Prix two weeks ago provided further evidence for this perceived bias, with the McLap'em drivers serving three penalties between them. In addition to Lewis Homegrown's ten-place grid penalty for the pit-lane crash in Canada, Ecky Thumpalainen was put back five places for blocking Mark Cobber in qualifying and Homegrown was awarded a drive-through penalty during the race for cutting the chicane at turn seven, despite the fact that Andrex Booger had done exactly the same thing during the GP2 sprint race earlier that day and got off scot-free. Or possibly Austrian-free.
Conspiracy theorists also pointed to the fact that the race stewards were quite happy to let Kimi Faustussen continue racing with a large part of his Ferrarsi's exhaust hanging literally by a thread, seemingly unconcerned that when it inevitably came loose, it would suddenly become a 1,000-degree projectile hurtling at high velocity towards anyone unfortunate enough to be in its path.
The FIEh?, however, has no truck with any suggestions of partiality and has warned that anything other than impeccable behaviour from McLap'em will result in severe and innovative punishment.
"We've spent the time since france coming up with all sorts of new penalties," explained a gleeful FIEh? spokesarse. "If any of those McLap'em boys so much as fail to tuck their shirts in, we'll be down on them like a ton of pricks.
"Bricks," he corrected himself. "A ton of bricks."
It is a strongly-held belief here at dotdotdotcomma that he very much had it right the first time.
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