Moreisless GPMERCEDES GP
 An artist's impression of exactly how far into the background a grey-coloured F1 car could fade. Mercedes GP was born when Brawn GP's amazingly successful combined inaugural and valedictory year in F1 prompted the car manufacturers' großen Käse to buy a controlling interest in the team at the end of 2009. The takeover was not intended to cause any undue instability, however; the new team would continue to be based in Brackley, less than 30 miles from Mercedes's F1 engine factory in Brixworth, giving the whole operation a distinctly German flavour. The team pulled off a bit of a coup - or scored a massive own goal, depending on where your loyalties lie - by signing Michael Schumacher on a three-year contract, which sees the seven-time champion reinstated as the sport's undisputed number-one villain and, dare we say, wanker. Sponsorship for 2010 comes from Malaysian oil company Petronas, whose turqoise logo should clash nicely with the dreary grey livery traditionally favoured by Mercedes.
Team principal Dross Yawn said: "We are very proud to reveal our new team name today. It adds another strong performance element to our team's identity thereby further disassociating ourselves from our customer teams, at least half of whom are significantly better than we are."
"Our new team name fuses the proud traditions of AMG and the Moreisless Silver Arrows at the pinnacle of motorsport," added Moreisless motorsport boss Norbert Borg. "This step is a further strong sign of the strategic commitment Moreisless has made to drawing attention away from their involvement with this woefully underperforming team, bearing in mind the involvement of Master TicTacian™ Dross Yawn, seven-time world champion Michael ComebackerSCHUMACHER, MICHAEL
 Michael expresses his remorse at having dangerously forced a rival off the track. Again. When he wasn't driving people off the road, ramming other cars, parking in the middle of the track or trying to punch David Coulthard, Michael Schumacher displayed a dazzling talent for finding new ways to disadvatage his team-mate. We're being slightly churlish, of course, but Schumacher's reputation as a driver will forever be coloured by the unsporting manner in which he raced. His first break in F1 came with Jordan at Spa in 1991 and his second with Ferrari at Silverstone in 1999, when he fractured a leg crashing at Stowe. His final F1 drive through the field at Interlagos was a reminder of what his legacy could have been if he hadn't been quite so ready to tarnish it quite so frequently. The wanker.
AMG, as any German teenager knows, stand for "Ach, mein Gott", or, more usually in the current vernacular, "Ach. Mein. Gott.", as in the now ubiquitous "AMG! Hat er versäumt, wieder Punkte? Er ist jetzt ungefähr so gut wie seine fetten hässlichen Bruder!"
|
