No team polarises fans quite like Ferrari: some believe that they can do no wrong, despite a vast and growing body of evidence to the contrary; other, sounder minds put them in roughly the same category as Lucius Malfoy, Jabba the Hutt and Sandi Toksvig.

Until fairly recently, the team had a reputation for passionate disorganisation, which occasionally somehow produced a decent car, and there was no end of very good drivers queuing up to put their mark on a contract for the scuderia, only to be disappointed by the tractor they were given to race.

The Brawn/Todt/Schumacher/Byrne axis changed all that. Suddenly the cars were quick, driveable and bullet-proof, while behind the scenes this highly political team fostered its "special relationship" with the FIA, leading to all manner of dubious rule interpretations in favour of the red cars.

That the team inspires such extreme reactions is partly a product of its own success (many people love to hate the ultra-successful - just ask Man Utd, Bill Gates or Patrick Kielty) but also because of the strutting arrogance and faux innocence with which it has been achieved. The lesson, which seems to be repeatedly lost on Ferrari, is to win, lose and get caught breaking the rules with equal good grace.

Some of our readers doubtless question the extent of dotdotdotcomma's continued antipathy towards the scuderia but when repeatedly faced with the team's insufferable arrogance in victory, sanctimonious posturing at perceived wrongs and instinctive refusal to accept blame, it's the only sane response.

There. We got all the way through that without once calling them a bunch of cheating c*nts.

Alonso's full name is Fernando Alonso Diaz and few people realise that he is the half-brother of Cameron Diaz, the well-known jizz-haired actress.

His success in Formula One has led to a huge growth of interest in the sport in his home country of Spain, where not so long ago you could easily pick up cheap tickets to the Grand Prix and pretty much have your pick of seats, so thanks for that, Fernando.

Like many of the sport's stars, Alonso began his F1 career with Minardi and he made a splash at his first race, where he out-qualified his team-mate by over two and a half seconds. That margin is rendered slightly less impressive when you learn that his team-mate was Tarso Marques who, as racing drivers go, has a lovely personality.

Fernando was soon snapped up by Renault, where he spent a year testing before being promoted to a race seat. He became the then youngest world champion in 2005 and the youngest double champion in 2006. There followed an abbreviated tenure at McLaren which failed to yield a third title, largely because he proved unable to beat a rookie, after which he was welcomed back to the Renault team, where he is expected to wait grumpily until a Ferrari seat becomes available.

Alonso is an exceptionally talented and complete racing driver but he also has a reckless - often self-destructive - streak and an eccentrically unique take on what it means to be a team-player, traits which have doubtless closed a number of F1 doors to him.

In 2005 he was appointed one of UNICEF's Goodwill Ambassadors, which may explain why he never has any left for anyone else.

Jordan was the original incarnation of F1's hot potato, founded by brass-necked chancer Eddie Jordan. The team was famous for draping bikini-clad lovelies over its cars and also for discovering new talent but will never be excused in certain circles for giving Michael Schumacher his first drive in Formula One.

The team stepped up from F3000 in 1991, with Andrea de Cesaris and Bertrand Gachot behind the wheel, and ended the season in an impressive fifth place in the constructors' championship.

The year was not without incident, however.

Gachot found himself unable to complete the season after being imprisoned for attacking a London taxi driver and his replacement, the debutant Michael Schumacher, was nicked by Benetton after just one race. Jordan claimed a breach of contract but the case was thrown out of court and the next time a Schumacher would sit in a Jordan was in 1997, when Michael's petulant brother Ralf somehow talked his way into a drive.

Events in the Jordan pit were often more entertaining than those on the track and Eddie Irvine wasted no time in contributing to this, when he made his debut at Suzuka in 1993. Years of racing in Japan had given Eddie intimate knowledge of the track (and of some of the less choosy local lovelies too) but that didn't wash with Ayrton Senna when Irvine passed the Brazilian's McLaren to unlap himself in the closing stages. Senna later paid a visit to the Jordan garage and punched Irvine in the face, which may have been a slight over-reaction but is something that a lot of blokes and no doubt many, many women have wanted to do to the cocky little gobshite over the years.

For a whole decade Jordan's title sponsor was tobacco-pushing giant Benson & Hedges and, after painting the 1996 car a fetching gold to make it look like a B&H packet, the team showed not inconsiderable creative flair in getting round the cigarette advertising ban. Who can forget the "Bitten & Hisses" snake, the "Buzzing Hornets", um, hornet, the "Bitten Heroes" shark or the simple entreaty to "Be On Edge"?

An extraordinary Belgian Grand Prix in 1998 saw the team record its first victory and they did it in style, with a euphoric Damon Hill leading his sulking team-mate Ralf Schumacher in a one-two that seemed to be almost universally celebrated. The streets were strangely quiet in Kerpen that night.

The 1999 season built on this, with Heinz-Harald Frentzen somehow recording results, including two wins, that gave him an outside chance at the world title, before McLaren and Ferrari stopped mucking about. Frentzen still finished third overall and Jordan also claimed third in the constructors' championship but it was all downhill from here, until Midland bought the team early in 2005.