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F1: Pre-season testing round-up by Virgil Ellipse
10th Feb 2012
As a keen follower of F1, you'll probably have been avidly reading the news from testing in Jerez, anxious to form a picture of where each team's performance puts it in relation to the others.

And the breaking news is that there is no news. Testing never really reveals the true picture, mainly because the teams go to great lengths to conceal it.

So if you want to avoid trawling through the many "news" items coming from Spain, simply pick a phrase from the list below, choose a team or driver at random and pretend that they said it. It will have just as much significance as anything they actually said and the chances are that they really did say it anyway.

"It's too early to say where we are."
"The new tyres will change things."
"Times from testing don't really mean anything."
"I'm refreshed and looking forward to the season."
"The new car is promising."
"A strong start to the season is crucial."
"There's a lot of work ahead of us."
"You never know what fuel loads people are on."

And everyone except McLap'em is coming out with this one: "A car's not ugly if it's fast."

But bloody hell, it can be.

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KEY TO SERIES NAMES (hovering over the abbreviations in the table above also shows the full series name)
F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.