homeblack pixel
Click to visit the 'Wisdom of James Allen' page
[where you've been: home...,motorsport...,f1...,news...,
menu bar
  menu bar menu bar menu bar  



the dotdotdotcomma f1 newsdesk
the latest f1 news only slightly after it's happened
MANTA translation assistant
(see help page for details)
Don't know who we're
talking about? Click on
the MANTA logo for help
"I don't make mistakes. I make prophesies
that immediately turn out to be wrong."  

The dotdotdotcomma newsdesk is entirely fictional. There aren't any real people here at all. So what's new?

The news items on this page are also available as an RSS feedRSS logo and an Atom feedAtom logo, depending on whether you like your motorsport satire tinted orange or blue.

dotdotdotcomma F1 News

F1: McLap'em 'has no qualms' ahead of season opener by Virgil Ellipse
13th Mar 2013
McLap'em team boss Martin Whiplash says that his team has no qualms going into the 2013 Formula One season, just a few days before this weekend's opening race in Australia.

The squad's pace over the winter has been inconsistent, giving no clear picture of where the Woking outfit stands relative to its rivals, and Whiplash's latest admission further muddies the waters.

Several teams unveiled variants of the new QUALMS (Quasi-Aerodynamic Load Minimisation System) devices during testing earlier in the year and McLap'em was notable in fielding the only potentially front-running car not to feature such a system.

QUALMS works by minimising the load experienced by aerodynamic surfaces without affecting the downforce they produce, allowing teams to fabricate much lighter components which are nevertheless capable of providing the same levels of performance.

"It's the latest in a long line of F1 innovations that give engineers a semi but mean fuck-all to casual fans," explained a clearly excited spokesman from dotdotdotcomma's engineering department.

Whiplash went on to say that not only is McLap'em lacking qualms, they also "have nothing to fret over", are approaching the season "with no real hassles" and that they "haven't had a quandary in the factory for months". So it sounds as if their car might be missing quite a few other bits and pieces too.

<< previous item << news menu >> next item >>

RELATED NEWS ITEMS:
F1 McLap'em: No Plan B If Homeboy Leaves 11th Sep 2012
F1 Jet-on 'more than marginal' on fuel 19th Mar 2012
F1 Pre-season testing round-up 10th Feb 2012
F1 Whiplash says title is still possible for McLap'em 18th Aug 2011
F1 Ferrarsi confirm launch date for 2008 car 21st Dec 2007
 

KEY TO SERIES NAMES (hovering over the abbreviations in the table above also shows the full series name)
F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.