Here at dotdotdotcomma we have a large and well-fed team of highly retentive statisticians working around the clock, which is located in the middle of the office, in order to bring you, our reader, up-to-the-Venusian-minute analysis of motor-racing data, such as our now legendary Formula 1 Records pages. Nonetheless, even we rely on those top chaps at FORIX to triangulate and validate our data in order to bring you, our reader, information of the highest quality, accuracy and triviality.
Every now and then, however, we are forced to draw clear boundaries between the data we publish and that published on FORIX and other reliable sites, including Wikipedia, and one such occasion has come to our attention simply by dint of the fact that we are nearing the letter "O" in catching up on historical Trackmeister™ records, not that many of you, our reader, care(s).
Anyway, it turns out that FORIX, for it is they, list the A1-Ring and the Osterreichring as different circuits, even though they are very much in the same place and use several bits of the same track, but just have a slightly different shape. Readers might care to note that FORIX chooses to list data for the Nurburgring and Nordschleife as one venue, and the (allegedly) Oval and Road versions of Indianapolis are also recorded together.
The Osterreichring* was originally constructed in 1969, making it nearly as old as the founding editors of dotdotdotcomma, of whom there are actually two. Sometimes known as Zeltweg, after the nearby circuit that it replaced (the Aspern Aerodrome), the O-Ring was renowned as a fast-flowing circuit, until, after a couple of minor accidents, it was redesigned by German Tinkerer - his first such commission, and we ended up with the tedious point-and-squirt circuit that we know and love today.
The new layout was renamed the A1-ring, after the principal north-south trunk road connecting London with Edinburgh, which is just as fun to drive in a F1 car, and sometimes also known as the Spielberg circuit, until it became obvious that the Oscar-winning director was never going to bother turning his prodigious talent to the production of the now legendary F1 movie that Hollywood is always mysteriously promising us, at which point local sticky fizz congealers Red Bull acquired the track, renamed it after themselves, and set about restoring some of the good bits from the original layout that had been excised by that meddlesome Tinkerer bloke.
All of which historical nonsense is simply by way of a prelude to the key point of interest which is this: the existing Trackmeister™ records for the A1-Ring are largely held by Michael ShitparkerSCHUMACHER, MICHAEL
 Michael expresses his remorse at having dangerously forced a rival off the track. Again. When he wasn't driving people off the road, ramming other cars, parking in the middle of the track or trying to punch David Coulthard, Michael Schumacher displayed a dazzling talent for finding new ways to disadvatage his team-mate. We're being slightly churlish, of course, but Schumacher's reputation as a driver will forever be coloured by the unsporting manner in which he raced. His first break in F1 came with Jordan at Spa in 1991 and his second with Ferrari at Silverstone in 1999, when he fractured a leg crashing at Stowe. His final F1 drive through the field at Interlagos was a reminder of what his legacy could have been if he hadn't been quite so ready to tarnish it quite so frequently. The wanker.
Readers who are fans of the most penalised driver in the history of F1 (and if you are, what the deity of your choice are you doing here?) may take a quantum of solace from the fact that Shitparker manages to share the overall Trackmeister™ title for the Red Bull Ring with The Professor, thanks to the brace of wins, pair of poles and couple of fastèst laps he scored at the venue equalling, in terms of Trackmeister™ points at least, Frogst's tally. Sadly, in the event of a draw, the driver with the most wins, um, wins. As Louise Goodman might have said: bad luck, Michael.
You have to laugh.
* Literally "Ostrich Ring" because many independent observers are found to stick their heads in the sand when asked if it is one venue or two.
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