Formula 1 tyre supplier FridgecloneBRIDGESTONE
 Disappointingly, this bridge is made of steel and plywood, so it won't cause so much damage when it falls on these tifosi. Bridgestone is the world's biggest tyre manufacturer, and was founded in 1931 by Shojiro Ishibashi ("ishibashi" meaning "stone blidge"). They have supplied tyres for Formula 1 since 1997, and exclusively so since 2007. They also supplied tyres for Japanese drivers in the mid-1970s, though you would be forgiven for not noticing. The close relationship built up between Bridgestone and Ferrarsi during the so-called "tyre war" years, about which James Allen would get typically, but unnecessarily, over-excited, resulted in a distinct advantage for the Prancing Horse when tyre peace broke out in 2007, which probably goes some way towards explaining Kimi Raikkonen's championship victory.
"I expect you're all waiting," said a spokestyre, "for us to say that not only is the exit from a race-track a one-way street so a U-turn is prohibited, but also that our tyres are crap and so if we did a U-turn anyway, we would probably spin into the wall like Phillip MassiveMASSA, FELIPE
 The view from Felipe Massa's car for most of the 2008 British Grand Prix. Pretty much since his F1 debut with Sauber in 2002, Felipe Massa has been doing his best to shake off his reputation as a driver who is fast but wild, while for roughly the same period, dotdotdotcomma has been doing its best to reinforce that reputation. It's not that we harbour any particular dislike of the chap but Massa is no more capable of changing his underlying nature than he is of, oh, I don't know, not spinning five times in the wet at Silverstone in 2008. During the duller parts of a Formula One season, it's nice to have someone a bit mad in the field for the occasional moments of insanity they provide and ever since Takuma Sato left the sport, Massa is the best we have. That said, Massa has been guilty at times of Ferrarigance, which is a word we've just made up for the special brand of arrogance only a fully brainwashed Ferrari team member can display. His ridiculous protestations that Fernando Alonso had impeded him during qualifying at Monza in 2006 readily spring to mind, as does his failure to acknowledge that his spin at Fuji in 2008 had been caused when he turned in on Sebatien Bourdais. On both occasions, of course, the stewards favoured the bloke in red. In any case, F1 would probably be less of a spectacle without loonies like Massa and "fast but wild" is not a bad epithet to have. It could be a lot worse. Just look at what we've called Michael Schumacher or Jacques Villeneuve.
"Yes, that's what you'd expect someone on dotdotdotcomma to say after reading a headline like that," he added.
"Tsk!"
The Japanese company is keen to play down talk that it is reconsidering its decision to quit the sport at the end of the year. Although there have been rumours in recent weeks that Fridgeclone is being pushed to rethink its decision, and could agree a fresh contract under more favourable terms, the company stands by the understanding that its standing stance stands.
"Lies!" claimed Fridgeclone's director of motorsport. "Our company has made the decision, and nothing has changed."
That decision means that the FIEh?FIA
 Max Mosley's preferred option for the location of the new FIA offices in Amsterdam. The FIA (or Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile to give it its full, inexplicably french, name) is an ominous association formed to represent motorists and motoring organisations. Its headquarters are at 8 Place de la Concorde, Paris (ring top bell), coincidentally just up the rue from one of the city's best bordellos. The federation acts as the governing body for a number of motorsport series and championships, mostly in a venal or, if we're feeling charitable, incompetent manner. It should not be confused with the Fédération Internationale de l'Alcosport, which governs Drink-A-Long-A-Grand-Prix almost as badly. Comprising 222 member organisations, the FIA can also boast a Senate, a Court of Appeal and a General Assembly and it wouldn't take a stretch of the imagination to see its activities as part of a sinister plan to get itself recognised as a sovereign state in its own right. It's not a million miles from how Hitler started, that's all we're saying. Its decisions have at times left the FIA open to accusations of favouritism and manipulation and its credibility wasn't helped any by revelations that its married president, Max Mosley, was partial to sado-masochistic orgies involving more tarts than you can fit on one hand. Mosley, seeing no incompatibility between his behaviour and his position, failed to tender the resignation that many were keenly anticipating. They claim to do a lot of work on road safety but we've never knowingly seen any of their campaigns.
 For legal reasons, dotdotdotcomma has chosen not to include Max Mosley in its F1 Doodles page. Max Mosley is a qualified barrister, president of the FIA and likes his whores five at a time, thank you very much. His father was Oswald Mosley, the former leader of the British Union of Fascists, his mother was Diana Mitford, of the renowned and, um, eccentric Mitford family, and his wife Jean is either the most understanding woman in the world or the owner of a bollock collection boasting two fresh exhibits. Mosley spent part of his education in Germany, during which time he became fluent in the language, which comes in very handy at all those S&M parties. For a time he was also a member of the British Territorial Army and he still has the uniform, which comes in very handy at all those S&M parties. He claims that his most rewarding work at the FIA is centred on road and race safety and during his tenure the FIA has introduced into all its championships the compulsory use of the HANS device, a neck brace that restricts head movement and which comes in very handy at all those S&M parties. Mosley was the "M" in "March", an F1 team that had some success, and many now claim that he is the "F" in "FIA" and that he was almost certainly the "C" in "FOCA".
"For sure, I am considering the many benefits of simply running on wheel rims," said the diminutive frenchman. "Not only will this create pretty sparks that will further increase the spectacle at night races, but the reduced ride height will both improve downforce from the aerodynamics under the car and also enable me to speak with drivers eye-to-eye."
Korean tyre manufacturers Hankook and Kumho have been strongly linked with replacing Fridgeclone as F1's tyre supplier, just as soon as the FIEh? has completed a risk assessment on the likelihood that dotdotdotcomma's affectionate nicknames for these tyre manufacturers might bring the name of the spurt, sorry, sport into disrepute.
* "Tender" is a relative term. It is known that the FIEh? definition of the word, especially as it relates to "loving care", makes reference to the use of whips, German uniforms and dungeons.
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