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F1: Ecclescake talks sense for once by Mathias Olaf Uncertain
8th Dec 2012
Formula 1 supremo™ Bernie Ecclescake believes Michael Comebacker would have been better off not returning to the sport following his first retirement.

As do we all.

"I would rather he had stopped as a seven-time world champion than stopping now," Ecclescake told the official Formula 1 website, which is a little too much like talking to yourself, in our opinion. "People new to the sport will remember Michael now, not as he was.

"They won't see the machine that won world championships almost every other year for sixteen years on average, even if most of the time he did it by subterfuge, cheating or downright ramming his opponents off the track," he went on. "No, they'll remember the perpetual midfielder who failed to even win a race for the team that, let's face it, took Bunsen Jet-On to world championship victory, and who was outdriven almost every other race in 2012 by a Catering of all things."

Honestly, we think he did say that.

What Ecclescake definitely did say later on was "I think the important thing is - and this is probably difficult - to know when you can't do what you used to do anymore and then hand it over to somebody else."

Yes, Bernie, it is difficult to know that, isn't it? And, far be it from us to give credence to anything he might say, but we recall Loser di Montecarlo saying something similar to that only the other day.

But, while we're talking of Ferrarsi, Ecclescake went on to speak in hushed tones about how Comebacker's close ties with MoreHades meant that Formula One Management have been unable to offer him a role to stay involved in the sport.

"Well, we wouldn't and we couldn't keep him in another role because he is too close to MoreHades," he insinuated. "It would have been easier when he was still close to Ferrarsi, I guess."

Yes, thanks, Bernie. That about confirms everything we've ever thought about Ferrarsi and your even more shady organisation. The prosecution rests, m'lud.

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KEY TO SERIES NAMES (hovering over the abbreviations in the table above also shows the full series name)
F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.
LeMLe Mans-style Endurance Racing
Very, very, very long races. Woo! They're long. Not to be confused with Lemon-Style Endurance Racing. Nasty.