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F1: MoreHades says Iceberg can be regular winner with a competitive car by Mathias Olaf Uncertain
11th Nov 2011
Nicky Iceberg will prove himself as a regular grand prix winner as soon as MoreHades GP can deliver him with a car capable of taking victories.

That is the somewhat fatuous view of Norbert Borg, the somewhat fat boss of MoreHades motorsport.

"Nicky has never had a car to win with, and most of the drivers in F1 do not have a car to win with," said Borg, speaking after Iceberg extended his contract with Morehades GP until the end of 2013. "Hence, like most of the drivers in F1, Nico has never won a race.

"I think you can see where I'm coming from here."

Motorsport statisticians have been quick to point out that, since so-called Quick Nick Blindfold finally gave up the grand prix ghost, Quicky Nicky is now the biggest loser in Formula 1.

Blindfold has famously participated in 186 grands prix without a single win to his credit. Only Andrea de Clitoris has a worse record, with a whopping 214-race-long winless streak. What makes Nicky Iceberg stand out from these other big losers is that, while the Non-Flying Non-Finn has never been given a car that a proven race-winner like Mark Cobber or even Mike Cobbler could win in, both Blindfold (Rubiks Kubica, Montreal, 2008) and de Clitoris (John Whatswrong, Silverstone, 1981) have, however flukily.

In related news:
Former Sparrows boss Tom Walkinwardrobe says Auld Reekie Bernoldi could have won races if only we'd given him a half decent car.
Ricardo Tosser could have been a world champion if only Ken Squirrel had given him a race-winning car, insists Craig Bollocks
Nicky might not be the only race winner if we could build anything other than a turkey, says MoreHades boss Norbert Borg. Even that pointy chinned bloke could scrabble up to the top step of the podium if it was the best car on the grid and Nicky had retired already.

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F1Formula 1
The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.