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F1: Nothing changes at Millions by Mathias Olaf Uncertain
29th Nov 2012
Cheer up, Toto.
Cheer up, Toto.
Grumpy old men Frank Millions and Pat Dickhead might be taking more of a back seat at Millions these days, but it seems their no-holds-barred attitude towards nurturing young racing talent* lives on in grumpy new man Toto WOOF!.

Having inexplicably saced You're No Senna (a man who was a pretty consistent points scorer in 2012 and brought lots of cachet and, let's face it, cash to the strapped Grove squad) and yet retained Pastor Maldonarsehole (a man who may have fluily won the Spanish Grand Prix, but spent most of the rest of the year challenging Roman Fatjohn for the title of least professional driver in F1), the team have signed third driver and Finn without enough Ks in his name Valley Bottom while issuing the somewhat intimidating statement that "the team could not afford to give Bottom extra dispensation to mae mistaes in his debut year.

"If he doesn't deliver, he can just fuc off."

dotdotdotcomma considers that Toto should be rather more cheerful given who he's married to.



* cf. the fate of 1996 World Champion GameOn Still


Editor's note: We apologise for the apparent smattering of typos in the above article, which is the result of a K-vacuum manifested by the lac of Ks in Valley Bottom's name.

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RELATED NEWS ITEMS:
F1 More dotdotdotcomma predictions come about. Sort of. 6th Nov 2012
EF3 'No winner' in Norisring F3 race one 3rd Jul 2012
F1 Senna: Money didn't get me Millions seat 18th Jan 2012
F1 Millions signs deal with Michael Johnson 12th Jan 2012
F1 Millions confirms Maldonarsehole for 2012 2nd Dec 2011
 

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Amalgam of french and German F3 premier leagues, which has cheekily been challenging British F3's supremacy.
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The world's most prominent, most expensive and frequently most tedious single-seater series.